What's the Funk?

I have been in a funk for a few days now, actually about a week or more.  Not sure what exactly is bothering me, but something has me feeling out of sorts.

I have been having emotional outbursts that mainly consist of crying and feeling useless. I have been feeling like I have no purpose in life. I have been feeling like a hermit. I sleep, stay home, go to work, repeat.  I miss being a social person with a big circle of friends to go do things with or have over. I sometimes feel like all I do is exist and I want more!

So, what is the problem? I'm not sure if it's part of going into the dreaded "Change" or if I am starting to feel like this empty nest thing is not for me! Maybe I am just too stuck in the past to realize that my life is not over! I hope that I am only halfway through my life and that means I still have time to be and do better!

Now, I am not writing this for anyone to feel sorry for me.  Like I stated in my first post, words are my escape. I write to help myself and put it all in perspective. Plus, I just wonder if others have gone through these feelings and wonder if there is anything I can say or do to help myself or others feeling the same way. So, this is my attempt to help myself and maybe someone else.

• I don't want to just exist. I want to do something, be someone, and leave a little something behind when I am gone. How do I do that? Maybe my hobby of crocheting will leave a little something my kids may want one day. Although it may not be perfect, it is done by my own hand and probably even has some of my hairs entwined with the yarn since I am constantly shedding (hehe). Maybe my words here will live on after I am gone. Maybe one day I will finish the book I've started. Maybe just my love and kindness to others will be my legacy. I could think of worse legacies! But, I feel like I should leave more. Everybody wants to be remembered but not all of us can be great. If everybody was great, what would great mean?

• Next up, a circle of friends. I realized I had a very inactive social life when my computer was acting up. I couldn't help but feel absolutely pathetic when I realized that most of my social life is on the computer! I was so upset that I couldn't get online and just started to bawl when I realized that without internet, I have few friends! How sad is that! Social media has made many of us antisocial. I remember when I was younger I always had friends I could count on to do something and not sit at home! I work in a convenience store and think that some of the people coming in would be fun to get to know and hang out with, until I realize that a lot of them spend their time in the bar. That is not my scene anymore. I don't drink, I don't party and I would have nothing in common with the majority of the customers. So, now what? Maybe I will see about getting on the festival board or find another group that I can join. That would also help in leaving something behind. I need to find a way to become part of a community and would recommend others do that too! What better way to become more social than to join a community group or volunteer somewhere! So, that is a new goal for me.

• Now, about those crying jags! I need to accept that it is okay to be sad sometimes. It is okay to let those emotions out. God gave us emotions and sometimes releasing them is the best way to rid yourself of stress. I have to accept that I am a very soft-hearted person and with that comes the need to cry. If I didn't feel the need to cry once in awhile, I would be not much more than a robot. It's Okay to feel so much that your body cannot hold it all in; release it! To be a woman means to be strong enough to cry! I just need to remember to be strong enough to move on and not spiral down. That is getting harder as I get older.

So, I need to get involved, get motivated, get busy and keep on keeping on! That is my challenge to myself. I just need to do something more so that I don't just exist! That will be a step in the right direction to feel better and hopefully get out of the Funk!